Finding Beauty

Me- Start the Winsor Pilate's 20 minute Burn work out DVD.

Jaron- Get head stuck behind furniture. Scream

Me- Pause DVD to help Jaron get unstuck. Comfort screaming toddler.

Jaron- Get head stuck behind furniture... again. Scream... again.

Me- Pause DVD to help Jaron get unstuck... again. Comfort screaming toddler... again.

Jaron- Disappear after a few minutes of "behaving".

Me- Pause the DVD after "hearing" silence for too long. Discover Jaron coloring daddy's pillow with a blue high-liter. Disciple toddler.

Jaron- Throw tantrum before the word "No" even hits Mommy's lips.

Me- Choose not to battle fit. Ignore fit. Clean up mess.

Jaron- Mad at lack of attention. Escape while Mommy's distracted. Find more trouble to get into.

Me- Back to finish workout. Can't find remote to un-pause DVD. Look to Jaron.

Jaron- Smile mischievously at Mommy's stern look. Offer no help.

Me- Tear house apart looking for remote while trying to remain calm. Repeating mantra, "Do not loose your temper at helpless toddler".

Jaron- Start giggling. Offer no help.

Me- Find remote hidden in empty box in Jaron's room. Finish 20 minute workout DVD in 45 minutes. Put toddler down for nap. Put self down for nap.

This story starts a few posts ago, and it doesn't end with today's post. I think this is just the journey the Lord has me on right now. I can't say that I am totally thrilled about it, however I do think I am beginning to understand what it's all about.

Psalm 18 has been a bit of a challenge for me. I guess it has revealed in my heart some trust issues. Imagine that? A female with trust issues!? ;)

The psalm talks a lot about how the Lord will be my support and my shield. That he will enable me to stand and face my enemy. That he will, "stoop down to make me great" (vs 35).

Those are hard phrases for me, though the stooping down part gives me chills. I am lowly and he is lofty, yet he loves me. I am dark and he is light, yet he loves me. He is clean and holy and pure and because of his sacrifice I am too.

I guess it's the sacrifice part that is sometimes hard to accept. Does anyone else have a hard time with that? As a mom, as a perfectionist and someone who analyzes EVERYTHING, I find it very difficult to accept help. While studying this psalm I keep coming back to that.

I have the head knowledge of all this, but I guess sometimes my heart gets tripped up on pride.

Recently I read a corresponding passage (Psalm 91) that led to a bit of a breakthrough. Look at this....

"Because he loves me" says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him." (emphasis mine)

Simply because I love him, he will not only rescue me, but he will honor me.

Wow. Does that hit you like it hit me? I hope so. I hope the deepth of that sinks into you today. All you have to-- ALL I HAVE TO DO-- is acknowlede his name and call to him. Doesn't mean my problem will *poof* go away, but it does mean that someone far greater than me is on the job.

The Message bible says it so awesomely... "From his palace he hears my call; my cry brings me right into his presence- a private audience!" (Pslalm 18:6)

How cool is that?

If you are in need of help, or strength; or if you feel like your enemies [enemies can also be things like depression, anxiety, bitterness, unforgiveness, etc] are closing in an all sides then I encourage you to read Psalm 18 and Psalm 91 today.

And seriously, isn't it just breath taking that he stoops down to make us great???