You are still God.

"... yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!" Habakuk 3:18

Endless leaves fall. Today the winds have blown steady and the down pour of yellow, red and orange is almost complete. Mere days since a glance out my window made me gasp at the sea of lime green.

All things change. What is happening in the physical world around me is a dramatic representation of what is happening inside of me.

The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, yet my heart does not always bless His name in the midst of pain. One week into my mourning this is what was scratched into my journal, "I don't want to say yes to Your faithfulness if this is what it looks like. I AM ANGRY AT YOU!"

Tears fall even now, as I struggle to over come those same emotions. It is hard to make sense of loss. It is hard to understand why. Why? Why!

It is is hard to keep my heart soft. Daily I reach out, time and again, begging for mercy. Then begging for forgiveness for the words I have hurled at Him in my mind.

Daily He forgives. Daily He embraces. Daily He loves.

The gentleness of His touch calms me. Centers me. Fills me with courage to trust, love, hope.
"Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!"

Habakuk 3:17-18

The trees shed their leaves and they know they know they will be clothed again. Because He is faithful.

So, I will trust in Him.

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I must sow

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
(Listen here: Dessert Song, Hillsong)

His Song

"Show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely." Song of Solomon 2:14

Stepping quietly into His presence, I can feel His breath tickle my ear, "Be still."

Lids drop, thoughts slow. Deep breath.

"Hello, Lord."

"Hello, Beloved."

I feel Him close; my heart races... then slows as He draws near. I know this time is sacred, and so very, very needed. The peace that comes is overwhelming.

I rest as He sings His song over me.
"Show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely." (Song of Solomon 2:14)

"You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes."
(Song of Solomon 4:9)

"Find rest in Me alone. I am your salvation. I am your rock, your unshakable fortress."
(Psalm 62: 1&2)

"I am behind you and go before you. My hand is upon you. I surround you always. I created you fearfully and wonderfully. You are not hidden from me. I have ordained your days.
" (Psalm 139: 5, 13, 16)

"I take great delight in you. I will quiet you with my love. I will rejoice over you with my song." (Zephaniah 3:17)

His love is so real. Words true and life-giving. These moments, cherished. Precious. Sacred. Every blink, He knows. Every sigh, He understands. A heart full of wonder, once again about to burst.

"You are beautiful. You are my treasure."

His words, a treasure themselves. Buried deep. Kept in the secret place to always remember and hold dear.

I don't want to lose this moment. This quiet presence.

Your beauty surrounds me and I am overcome. Come, Lord, linger. Invade, walk the halls of this house. Holy Spirit, dwell here. Make this your home. My heart is set on you; my gaze is fixed on you. You are my desire, and I return to you, my first love.

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