Finding Beauty

The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, yet my heart does not always bless His name in the midst of pain. One week into my mourning this is what was scratched into my journal, "I don't want to say yes to Your faithfulness if this is what it looks like. I AM ANGRY AT YOU!"

Tears fall even now, as I struggle to over come those same emotions. It is hard to make sense of loss. It is hard to understand why. Why? Why!

It is is hard to keep my heart soft. Daily I reach out, time and again, begging for mercy. Then begging for forgiveness for the words I have hurled at Him in my mind.

Daily He forgives. Daily He embraces. Daily He loves.

The gentleness of His touch calms me. Centers me. Fills me with courage to trust, love, hope.

"Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!"

Habakuk 3:17-18

The trees shed their leaves and they know they know they will be clothed again. Because He is faithful.

So, I will trust in Him.

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I must sow

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

(Listen here: Dessert Song, Hillsong)