Posted on September 15, 2009 · 4 Comments
The quiet moments are the hardest. When my heart feels like it will burst and my mind wanders once again to that blank screen, that empty womb. I waited to see a tiny heart fluttering life. All I saw was stillness. All I saw was black.
No baby. Just hormones and placenta, but no life. No heart. No tiny fingers to hold someday. No sweet lips and cheeks to kiss. No beautiful eyes to gaze into. Just nothingness.
Then hours of waiting in the hospital. Misery. Then days of waiting for answers. Anxiousness. And now emptiness and normal life co-mingle. How?
How do I go on when this ache is so deep and constant?
How do I breathe when I choke on the raw emotion lodged in my chest?
How do I find courage to hope again when the image burned in my minds eye is so bleak?
I know I will find Hope in You, but I am so lost and shattered today. So empty and angry and filled with questions.
I know You are God and You never change. I know Your love for me is greater than all the pain and bleakness. I know you are trustworthy, steadfast, faithful, kind. Right now I speak these things in faith.
My head knows, but my heart aches with doubt.
No baby. Just hormones and placenta, but no life. No heart. No tiny fingers to hold someday. No sweet lips and cheeks to kiss. No beautiful eyes to gaze into. Just nothingness.
Then hours of waiting in the hospital. Misery. Then days of waiting for answers. Anxiousness. And now emptiness and normal life co-mingle. How?
How do I go on when this ache is so deep and constant?
How do I breathe when I choke on the raw emotion lodged in my chest?
How do I find courage to hope again when the image burned in my minds eye is so bleak?
I know I will find Hope in You, but I am so lost and shattered today. So empty and angry and filled with questions.
I know You are God and You never change. I know Your love for me is greater than all the pain and bleakness. I know you are trustworthy, steadfast, faithful, kind. Right now I speak these things in faith.
My head knows, but my heart aches with doubt.
My Recipe Blog
Popular Posts
-
Here's the thing, I'm a first born. Oldest of 3 kids and the only girl. I would say that my brothers and I all fit the typical bir...
-
While driving home from a friend’s house last night I turned on the radio in the car. There was nothing of interest on any of the music stat...
-
He reveals the deep things of darkness and bring deep shadows into the light. Job 12:22 There are days, much like the past few, when the sha...
-
My mom recently shared a story with me that has shifted my perspective about loving well. The story is simple and goes like this: For years...
-
"You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light..." Daddy was out of town so my little one and I slept at ...
-
Thankfulness , from a heart that overflows... 1) for sun that warms, even on a cold day 2) for a chatty boy who cheers me during the cheerle...
-
The quiet moments are the hardest. When my heart feels like it will burst and my mind wanders once again to that blank screen, that empty wo...
-
"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:5 My intention was ...
-
"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." Psalm 119:50 The days have been filled with the ordinary: cl...
-
We move 1 week from today. My house should be declared a disaster area and the appraisal guy comes at 3 o'clock. To top this off I have...
About
- Casey
- I am a lover of: God... my sexy husband... 3 of the cutest kiddos in the world... deep friendships... a good book... music that moves me... the beach... sunshine... cooking... and laughter.
I love you dear friend. My heart aches for you. Praying for you!
Oh, Casey. I am so very sorry. Mourning with you today - much love to you.
Praying for you guys...
I found you when I was visiting Life At 7000 Feet....
And your post reached down deep to the very marrow and touched me. I understand.
All I can say is....
He is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.
He gives beauty for ashes.
He gives garments of praise place of mourning...
He will. Hold on.
Yours Truly,
Leanne
mysupplications.blogspot.com